Happy birthday, sing1118! Hope it's an excellent day.

What kind of reckless mind would allow the trial of terror masterminds in New York City?

Surely not conservative columnist, torture apologist, and former Giuliani lawyer Andrew C. McCarthy, ten fucking years ago.

We must go back in time and prevent this terrible error. Andy Giuliani could be kidnapped and Jack Bauer wasn't even invented back then to save him. To the Delorean!

I just realized why 2012 and the so-called Mayan Apocalypse frightens so many stupid Americans. It combines two things that they fear and misunderstand: science and Mexicans. (And of that group, a signifcant number really dig End-Times jazz, so, bonus.)

I readily admit, there are many, many credible extinction-level scenarios out there. A few of them even have that instant Hollywood bang rather than the slow, deliberate whimper of environmental issues. Hell, dead-arm nuclear defense still scares the shit out of me. But it seems like the Wal-Mart Armageddon crowd really prefer their impending doom to come from a prophecy, rather than a peer-reviewed report.

The funny thing is, no matter how close annihilation seems for these dummies, for some reason they just keep fucking. Because you know who loves inescapable horrors? Kids.

Who could have predicted that an egomaniac and chronic sexual harrasser would turn out to be a sore loser?

Oh, everyone? Okay, carry on, then.

(Really, Isiah? Begging an opposing coach to take it easy on your team? Your Bad Boy membership is officially revoked. Bill Laimbeer will be by shortly to cut off your buttons and flagrant-foul you once for good measure.)

Bad science from the FDA: threatening to ban caffeinated alcoholic drinks.

"F.D.A. is not aware of any basis that manufacturers have to conclude that the use of caffeine added to alcoholic beverages is generally recognized as safe," [spokesperson] Dr. Sharfstein said.

Really? Kahlua. Chocolate liqueurs. Irish Coffee. Rum & Coke, Whiskey & Coke, anything and Coke. Not to mention the DIY version of the alcoholic energy drink, Red Bull & vodka. Ethanol has been paired with caffeine as long as tall drinks have been popular.

The two chemicals are not reactive; the FDA's official fear is a synergystic effect in the body, "associated with increased risk of serious injury, drunken driving, sexual assault and other dangerous behavior." In other words, eactly the same list of risks already linked causally to consumption of alcohol alone. The theory is that the stimulant and diuretic effects of caffeine artificially prop up the drinker's estimation of his tolerance and abilities; I am very skeptical of this conclusion. (I would love to see the double-blind test that even comes close to proving this.) The real increased risk comes from these products' appealling to inexperienced and binge drinkers--a factor much more difficult for the FDA to ban.

In theory, the FDA could regulate the proportion of the two chemicals, though I wonder if that would run into a Separation challenge, given that laws on alcohol concentration are all state/local. There is frankly no way the law can prevent the consumption of caffeine and ethanol in tandem (without changing caffeine's GRAS status), and it's doubtful they could prohibit them from appearing in the same glass. Banning the two from appearing in the same can is just stupid.

Special dedication going to my man Will Phillips, who won't say the Pledge in his fifth-grade class because he understands that "liberty and justice for all" isn't just a pipe-dream, but something that's institutionally forbidden.



Good looking out, man. You join a pretty elite group of Arkansas kids who won't take bigoted shit off of the establishment.

Since a sudden case of abiding human decency is pretty unlikely, Occam's Razor suggests only three likely causes of Lou Dobbs' sudden departure from CNN:

1. Hired by Fox News.

2. Health.

3. Lou Dobbs sex tape. Possibly with an illegal immigrant.

When the option that does the least harm to the world is contracting some awful disease, it's safe to say you've lived a terrible life. You're a mean one, Mr. Dobbs.

Trivia fun:
Q. What would you have if the following five people were seated together?

Henry Kissinger, Whoopi Goldberg, Bob Hope, Nelson Mandela, and Pope John Paul II.
( click for the answer )

I've been taking snuff more often, in equal parts because I enjoy it, because I smoke less, and because I shaved off my moustache for a Halloween and have an easier access to my nose. And I've rather fallen for an English snuff, Hedges L260, a/k/a "The Snuff."

Anecdote has it that the enduring popularity of Hedges springs from its tactical-nuke levels of menthol, making it a favourite amongst coal miners who wanted to expel what got into their sinuses "down the bloody pit." And indeed, it is bracing in that respect, a tobacco-laced Vick's Vapo-Rub applied mere inches from the brainstem. It is an acquired taste and a blistering end to congestion.

I mention all this because I realized I was sipping a Newcastle and taking a pinch of Hedges... I am a pickaxe and a canary away from being a miner. ("It's the black lung, Pop!")

How green is my valley; how brown is my hanky.

Great Britain's Court of Appeals have found an uncomfortable but accurate truth: Orthodox Judaism acts like a tribe rather than a religion, and in a legal sense, that means they racially discriminate.

The "Who is a Jew" question is a weighty one for students of history, Jewish law, and sociology. My few attempts to write about it lead me to believe that it's best left to chapter-length, heavily footnoted formats, i.e. Not Here. Suffice it to say that it is and always has been a political decision, even in its original context of the Law of the Bible-era Hebrews. And consequently, the authority to make this ruling is a coveted role of political power.

The real problem, of course, is that the British government are funding religious-run schools, and compounding the error by allowing those schools to discriminate now-and-again on the basis of religion. It's pretty ridiculous that a tribal religion (Judaism) is unlawfully prejudiced, while a mystery religion (like Christianity) is lawfully biased because one depends on genetics and the other on personal creed.

All they really have to do is take away the policy that allows for any public school to discriminate against anyone. Then whatever cadre of old men can call a person Jew or Gentile as much as they please, with no ill effect. A religion-run public school isn't my cup of tea, but open admissions mean that all the people who do want in get a fair shake. Of course, it'd be better for the UK to exorcise their theocratic ghosts once and for all, but I'm not holding my breath on that one.

Floating somewhere on the spectrum between sublime and ridiculous, New Haven's new trash and recycling program.

Bigger bins for recyclables are good. Smaller bins for regular trash are fine (provided they really follow through on the promise to provide extras for places that need it... lots of multifamily and apartment dwellings here.) RFID chips to track and reward how much a household recycles... really? There's got to be a better way to spend that budget line.

I mean, kudos to encouraging recycling, especially by incentive. (Where I lived in Westchester Co., it was by penalty, and it never seemed to make a bit of difference, because enforcement was too expensive.) But all things considered, I'd rather have the ability to recycle more categories of items. The promise of a $10 gift card is nice, but not having to check a complex sorting list when you have to recycle a PET bottle is nicer.

That said, I'll give a $10 gift card to the person who convinces Glenn Beck that the recycling bin chip is actually part of some diabolical Socialist/One World Government/Antichrist tracking scheme. Which, of course, it is.

Happy birthday, mariye!

The vaunted Northwestern U. Medill Innocence Project, which for decades has (rather successfully) sought exculpatory evidence for dubiously and/or wrongfully convicted people in the Chicago area is now being intimidated with unlawful subpoenas from the Cook Co. DA.

'Outrageous' doesn't begin to describe the attempts to bully a program that's freed innocent people from Death Row, and cast deserved scrutiny on the entire due process system in Illinois. That anyone in the justice system of Chicago would question their methods or motivations is a bad joke. Prosecutors who for decades relied on torture-extracted confessions to pad their professional reputations are suggesting that wanting an A in Journalism class somehow taints the evidence? Give me a fucking break.

P.S. In the spirit of needlessly piling on, as Chicagoans do to their defenseless hot dogs: given the abundance of pro-individual-liberty, pro-privatization, government-distrusting conservative pundits, how many do you think will pipe up against a government agency demanding private records from a private institution that does the State's job better and more efficiently? Yeah, I didn't think so, either.

The Fresh Air interview with Tracy Morgan is :

A. one of the most genuine, heart-rending things I've ever heard.
B. yet another bullet-point on "Several Reasons I Dislike Terry Gross."

Seriously, Ms. Gross, could you try not to be a condescending ice queen when a man speaking from the heart about the agonizing decision to leave his mother, seeing friends murdered, and providing care while his father died of AIDS tells you he loves you for listening? Also, could you not try to quote Biggie, um, ever?

I'm probably overreaching, but there were points at which I honestly thought, "Wow, she is not at all comfortable with black people who aren't professors or hypothetical examples."

Is there a way I can earmark my pledge so it supports everything but your smug attitude?

Another reason to hate Philadelphia sports and their fans, from NBC's Philly afilliate:

Kobe Bryant has done some really dumb things in his life. He’s angered his family by marrying a high schooler, he went to war against one of the most loveable NBA players of all time, he was accused of rape and he’s admitted to infidelity.

But for Philadelphians, our estranged native-son Bryant committed his greatest sin during Game 2 of the NLCS Friday night: He said he was a Mets fan.

That's right: being accused of rape (to which he admitted, after his lawyers repeatedly violated rape-shield laws and slut-shamed the victim to intimidate her out of testifying) is not as bad as being a Mets fan.

I said it before, and I'll say it again: not much good has come out of Philly since the days of three-cornered hats, and their sports fans will never get over the inferiority complex that comes when your most famous athlete is fictional.

On Friday night, the very awesome spacemanlove and my sister collaborated to throw me a (ten-days-early) surprise birthday party. I'm apparently a real recluse to get out of the house for any extended period of time, so scheming and execution were both a mighty challenge. Nonetheless, I was thoroughly surprised. We had nice overlapping magisteria of friends from Yale, SLC, and Shoreline Province.

There was Modern Apizza and pound cake. The wine flowed too, though not the beer (so now I get to work through a 30-rack of PBR in the fridge, bonus.) Also: novelty sparkling candles which I had a devil of a time blowing out. ("They're not trick candles," said spacemanlove over the uncomfortable silence that followed my attempt.) Good times!

Of birthdays I can remember, I've had three* surprise parties: before a TMBG show in New Haven, down at South Street Seaport, and this one. That's one in ten birthdays, though it seems like more, considering the prohibitive difficulty (and possible cruelty) of arranging a surprise party for a child younger than seventh grade or so. This high concentration means that A. I am rather gullible and B. I have awesome friends and loved ones.

*Plus a few "surprise features" on/at a birthday celebration. I'm just counting full event-ex-machina surprise parties here.

In honor of picodulce's excellent Video Friday series, and the NBA's next step (or four) towards being even more FAN-tastic, we proudly present a few basketball-themed hits.
( boom shaka-laka-laka! )

Once upon a time in the NBA, when two steps without a dribble was traveling, the refs didn't call it until three steps--possibly four or five in the paint if you were a superstar. The NBA swore it hadn't sent down some fan-friendly mandate; the refs just all decided independently to call the rule wrong.

Now, it's officially three steps before you travel. And Kobe will get seven steps, and LeBron will be allowed to ride a Segway with the ball in a wicker backet on the front.

Do you remember Web 1.0 phenomenon Minipops? They were very small, pixel-art caricatures of celebrities, very charming, and (unfortunately) often brazenly copied in style or concept by others, without much credit given to the artist, Craig Robinson.

Ten years later, Craig has moved on to other kinds of web art (though he still does Minipops on occasion), and I've fallen in love with his sit all over again because of his amazing sports graphics. He's especially interested in Major League baseball--unusual for a Brit, but to our great benefit. If you're any kind of fan of baseball and/or design, check these out:

The cost if players literally stole bases.
How soon will the Yankees run out of unretired one- and two-digit numbers?
A Venn diagram etymology of team names.
The distance and routes travelled by a professional team in 1886, 1959, and today.

There's much, much more, but the best by far are a crucial reality check and a helpful how-to guide. Awesome.

Since the goverment's plate is so doggone full, I can only assume that bloggers receiving comps is the #1 threat facing America. This brings me to a crucial moment of ethical self-examination, namely: Where's mine?

Seriously, bloggers and web essayists have been getting free stuff, and so far I haven't gotten any of it. Not a dollar, not a buyback round at the bar, not even one of those sample detergent packets you used to get with your (Old Media) newspaper. And it's not for want of endorsing stuff. I've beat the drum for candidates, artists and musicians, computer hardware, pipe tobacco, destinations, and intoxicating liquors. That's all out-of-pocket and not deductible. Come on!

I'd like to make a personal plea to all the corporate and commercial interests out there. (So if you're a private citizen, feel free to sit this one out.)

Dear Promoter: I'm docmanhattan, and I want to endorse your product.

I'm young (30, but can play 25), eloquent (MFA in Writing), and completely without scruples. I will walk the stroll for anything that can legally be advertised, and even then, I'm flexible. Are you politically odious? Hey, free speech is what this country's all about! Do you use sweatshops? It's only because you care about handmade craftsmanship! Is your new prescription drug based on the research of Dr. Mengele? That's German engineering, my friend. You know the Germans make good stuff! I've watched enough Mad Men to know all you need is a good line and to keep a straight face.

I've even been thinking of clever web acronyms to meet the new legal constraints on endorsed products within the limited space of tweet or status update. Like... GORP, for "GOods Received for Plug," or CONDOR for "COmpensated enDORsement." Boom, you can have those two for free. That's just a taste.

I'm going to level with you here, corporate America: I worked in a public school. Seeing the good in the garbage turned out by the inept, the privileged, the pathological liars, the once-and-future criminals is old hat for me. Calling Marlboro Lights "America's Favorite Vegan Treat" would probably be a moral step up.

And if somebody has to get paid for this, it might as well be me.

Hopefully awaiting your cheques and parcels,
docmanhattan