Back from a teriffic (but tiring) road trip to Florida! Given today's short attention spans, I will attempt to sum up each step of the trip in one sentence or fragment thereof.

New Haven, 4 am: Very quiet; surprisingly cold.

New Jersey, I-78: They don't let you pump your own gas.

Rural Pennsylvania: Whoever buys billboards is totes into Jesus.

Western Maryland and West Virginia: Can be driven through very, very quickly.

Blue Ridge Mountains: Gorgeous.

Google Maps: A fucking liar.

The people of Greenville, NC: Cannot give directions to save their lives.

Tobacco country, NC: Where that 2007 25% presidential approval rating came from.

Carolina Beach: Wonderfully unconcerned with good taste in everything but fresh seafood.

Northern Florida: Still the South, especially at the Waffle House.

Florida, I-75: A long, long road.

Naples, FL: All sun and swimming and gin and tonic: what vacations should be.

Our hostesses: The mostesses.

Return leg to Southern VA: The longest nonstop drive I have ever hazarded.

The Cracker Barrel: One of the largest breakfasts I have ever hazarded.

Virginia: The state with the highway that never ends.

Chambersburg, PA: Pilgrimage to Boswell's Pipes; bought a pipe.

Gettysburg, PA: Moving, educational, predicatably crowded given the date.

George Washington Bridge: Ironically named for a man famous for crossing a river with no delays nor difficulties.

People who drive in an exit-only or breakdown lane trying to jump in ahead of a slow traffic pattern in the actual lane: Should have their cars confiscated; can go fuck themselves.

Home, New Haven, CT: The cats are glad we're back.