Since a sudden case of abiding human decency is pretty unlikely, Occam's Razor suggests only three likely causes of Lou Dobbs' sudden departure from CNN:

1. Hired by Fox News.

2. Health.

3. Lou Dobbs sex tape. Possibly with an illegal immigrant.

When the option that does the least harm to the world is contracting some awful disease, it's safe to say you've lived a terrible life. You're a mean one, Mr. Dobbs.

Special dedication going to my man Will Phillips, who won't say the Pledge in his fifth-grade class because he understands that "liberty and justice for all" isn't just a pipe-dream, but something that's institutionally forbidden.



Good looking out, man. You join a pretty elite group of Arkansas kids who won't take bigoted shit off of the establishment.