Dr. Bagelman's Hour of Hate

my drank and my two-step

2009-11-14T21:49:37Z

Bad science from the FDA: threatening to ban caffeinated alcoholic drinks.

"F.D.A. is not aware of any basis that manufacturers have to conclude that the use of caffeine added to alcoholic beverages is generally recognized as safe," [spokesperson] Dr. Sharfstein said.

Really? Kahlua. Chocolate liqueurs. Irish Coffee. Rum & Coke, Whiskey & Coke, anything and Coke. Not to mention the DIY version of the alcoholic energy drink, Red Bull & vodka. Ethanol has been paired with caffeine as long as tall drinks have been popular.

The two chemicals are not reactive; the FDA's official fear is a synergystic effect in the body, "associated with increased risk of serious injury, drunken driving, sexual assault and other dangerous behavior." In other words, eactly the same list of risks already linked causally to consumption of alcohol alone. The theory is that the stimulant and diuretic effects of caffeine artificially prop up the drinker's estimation of his tolerance and abilities; I am very skeptical of this conclusion. (I would love to see the double-blind test that even comes close to proving this.) The real increased risk comes from these products' appealling to inexperienced and binge drinkers--a factor much more difficult for the FDA to ban.

In theory, the FDA could regulate the proportion of the two chemicals, though I wonder if that would run into a Separation challenge, given that laws on alcohol concentration are all state/local. There is frankly no way the law can prevent the consumption of caffeine and ethanol in tandem (without changing caffeine's GRAS status), and it's doubtful they could prohibit them from appearing in the same glass. Banning the two from appearing in the same can is just stupid.

there were always renegades

2009-11-13T03:21:26Z

Special dedication going to my man Will Phillips, who won't say the Pledge in his fifth-grade class because he understands that "liberty and justice for all" isn't just a pipe-dream, but something that's institutionally forbidden.

Good looking out, man. You join a pretty elite group of Arkansas kids who won't take bigoted shit off of the establishment.

one thing leads to another

2009-11-12T18:30:03Z

Since a sudden case of abiding human decency is pretty unlikely, Occam's Razor suggests only three likely causes of Lou Dobbs' sudden departure from CNN:

1. Hired by Fox News.

2. Health.

3. Lou Dobbs sex tape. Possibly with an illegal immigrant.

When the option that does the least harm to the world is contracting some awful disease, it's safe to say you've lived a terrible life. You're a mean one, Mr. Dobbs.

you'll never have the skills like mine

2009-11-09T23:37:18Z

Trivia fun:
Q. What would you have if the following five people were seated together?

Henry Kissinger, Whoopi Goldberg, Bob Hope, Nelson Mandela, and Pope John Paul II.

A. A valid starting lineup for the Harlem Globetrotters. All of the above are honorary Globetrotters.

I can honestly say I have no desire to see any of those people in shorts, and it'd be an ugly game on the court. But the trash talk would be devastating!

the boys from the mersey & the thames & the tyne

2009-11-09T21:58:22Z

I've been taking snuff more often, in equal parts because I enjoy it, because I smoke less, and because I shaved off my moustache for a Halloween and have an easier access to my nose. And I've rather fallen for an English snuff, Hedges L260, a/k/a "The Snuff."

Anecdote has it that the enduring popularity of Hedges springs from its tactical-nuke levels of menthol, making it a favourite amongst coal miners who wanted to expel what got into their sinuses "down the bloody pit." And indeed, it is bracing in that respect, a tobacco-laced Vick's Vapo-Rub applied mere inches from the brainstem. It is an acquired taste and a blistering end to congestion.

I mention all this because I realized I was sipping a Newcastle and taking a pinch of Hedges... I am a pickaxe and a canary away from being a miner. ("It's the black lung, Pop!")

How green is my valley; how brown is my hanky.

you're never alone

2009-11-08T23:18:53Z

Great Britain's Court of Appeals have found an uncomfortable but accurate truth: Orthodox Judaism acts like a tribe rather than a religion, and in a legal sense, that means they racially discriminate.

The "Who is a Jew" question is a weighty one for students of history, Jewish law, and sociology. My few attempts to write about it lead me to believe that it's best left to chapter-length, heavily footnoted formats, i.e. Not Here. Suffice it to say that it is and always has been a political decision, even in its original context of the Law of the Bible-era Hebrews. And consequently, the authority to make this ruling is a coveted role of political power.

The real problem, of course, is that the British government are funding religious-run schools, and compounding the error by allowing those schools to discriminate now-and-again on the basis of religion. It's pretty ridiculous that a tribal religion (Judaism) is unlawfully prejudiced, while a mystery religion (like Christianity) is lawfully biased because one depends on genetics and the other on personal creed.

All they really have to do is take away the policy that allows for any public school to discriminate against anyone. Then whatever cadre of old men can call a person Jew or Gentile as much as they please, with no ill effect. A religion-run public school isn't my cup of tea, but open admissions mean that all the people who do want in get a fair shake. Of course, it'd be better for the UK to exorcise their theocratic ghosts once and for all, but I'm not holding my breath on that one.

I love it because it's trash!

2009-11-06T20:00:51Z

Floating somewhere on the spectrum between sublime and ridiculous, New Haven's new trash and recycling program.

Bigger bins for recyclables are good. Smaller bins for regular trash are fine (provided they really follow through on the promise to provide extras for places that need it... lots of multifamily and apartment dwellings here.) RFID chips to track and reward how much a household recycles... really? There's got to be a better way to spend that budget line.

I mean, kudos to encouraging recycling, especially by incentive. (Where I lived in Westchester Co., it was by penalty, and it never seemed to make a bit of difference, because enforcement was too expensive.) But all things considered, I'd rather have the ability to recycle more categories of items. The promise of a $10 gift card is nice, but not having to check a complex sorting list when you have to recycle a PET bottle is nicer.

That said, I'll give a $10 gift card to the person who convinces Glenn Beck that the recycling bin chip is actually part of some diabolical Socialist/One World Government/Antichrist tracking scheme. Which, of course, it is.

and many more

2009-11-03T00:40:26Z

Happy birthday, mariye!

I told the judge, "don't even try it"

2009-10-25T17:03:27Z

The vaunted Northwestern U. Medill Innocence Project, which for decades has (rather successfully) sought exculpatory evidence for dubiously and/or wrongfully convicted people in the Chicago area is now being intimidated with unlawful subpoenas from the Cook Co. DA.

'Outrageous' doesn't begin to describe the attempts to bully a program that's freed innocent people from Death Row, and cast deserved scrutiny on the entire due process system in Illinois. That anyone in the justice system of Chicago would question their methods or motivations is a bad joke. Prosecutors who for decades relied on torture-extracted confessions to pad their professional reputations are suggesting that wanting an A in Journalism class somehow taints the evidence? Give me a fucking break.

P.S. In the spirit of needlessly piling on, as Chicagoans do to their defenseless hot dogs: given the abundance of pro-individual-liberty, pro-privatization, government-distrusting conservative pundits, how many do you think will pipe up against a government agency demanding private records from a private institution that does the State's job better and more efficiently? Yeah, I didn't think so, either.

you're still young and hard and cold

2009-10-22T18:34:45Z

The Fresh Air interview with Tracy Morgan is :

A. one of the most genuine, heart-rending things I've ever heard.
B. yet another bullet-point on "Several Reasons I Dislike Terry Gross."

Seriously, Ms. Gross, could you try not to be a condescending ice queen when a man speaking from the heart about the agonizing decision to leave his mother, seeing friends murdered, and providing care while his father died of AIDS tells you he loves you for listening? Also, could you not try to quote Biggie, um, ever?

I'm probably overreaching, but there were points at which I honestly thought, "Wow, she is not at all comfortable with black people who aren't professors or hypothetical examples."

Is there a way I can earmark my pledge so it supports everything but your smug attitude?

classic example

2009-10-19T17:24:11Z

Another reason to hate Philadelphia sports and their fans, from NBC's Philly afilliate:

Kobe Bryant has done some really dumb things in his life. He’s angered his family by marrying a high schooler, he went to war against one of the most loveable NBA players of all time, he was accused of rape and he’s admitted to infidelity.

But for Philadelphians, our estranged native-son Bryant committed his greatest sin during Game 2 of the NLCS Friday night: He said he was a Mets fan.

That's right: being accused of rape (to which he admitted, after his lawyers repeatedly violated rape-shield laws and slut-shamed the victim to intimidate her out of testifying) is not as bad as being a Mets fan.

I said it before, and I'll say it again: not much good has come out of Philly since the days of three-cornered hats, and their sports fans will never get over the inferiority complex that comes when your most famous athlete is fictional.

oops pow surprise!

2009-10-19T14:11:32Z

On Friday night, the very awesome spacemanlove and my sister collaborated to throw me a (ten-days-early) surprise birthday party. I'm apparently a real recluse to get out of the house for any extended period of time, so scheming and execution were both a mighty challenge. Nonetheless, I was thoroughly surprised. We had nice overlapping magisteria of friends from Yale, SLC, and Shoreline Province.

There was Modern Apizza and pound cake. The wine flowed too, though not the beer (so now I get to work through a 30-rack of PBR in the fridge, bonus.) Also: novelty sparkling candles which I had a devil of a time blowing out. ("They're not trick candles," said spacemanlove over the uncomfortable silence that followed my attempt.) Good times!

Of birthdays I can remember, I've had three* surprise parties: before a TMBG show in New Haven, down at South Street Seaport, and this one. That's one in ten birthdays, though it seems like more, considering the prohibitive difficulty (and possible cruelty) of arranging a surprise party for a child younger than seventh grade or so. This high concentration means that A. I am rather gullible and B. I have awesome friends and loved ones.

*Plus a few "surprise features" on/at a birthday celebration. I'm just counting full event-ex-machina surprise parties here.

but I play the awesome defense

2009-10-16T14:56:03Z

In honor of picodulce's excellent Video Friday series, and the NBA's next step (or four) towards being even more FAN-tastic, we proudly present a few basketball-themed hits.

First up: a hat tip-off to mountainsheep for reminding me of Wreckx-n-Effect's NBA-themed retooling of their only hit, "Rim Shaker." To paraphrase Mr. Sheep, the "best" part is when you realize that it's not actually a parody, because it's really them. This was, in their defense, a golden age of rappers switching up their songs for some fast media-tie-in ducats. (C.f. Tag Team's "Whoomp, The Addams Family (There It Is)." No, I'm not kidding.) And the video is classic NBA of the era, complete with the obligatory White Coach Double Take... "Wha-wha-wha?!?"

Next, who can forget Master P's masterwork, Make 'Em Say Uhh (the only decent video has embedding disabled; please click through if you wish to say "Uhh.") P combines his love of two things he doesn't do very well: rapping and playing hoops. This video always made me feel uncomfortable... I'm not saying it's racist, exactly; I'm saying I see a guy in a gorilla suit and No Limit uniform slam dunking a basketball over a tank, and I want to know how Cornell West would deconstruct this tableaux. (I do like the uncharacteristically rhythmic Mystikal verse, though.)

Finally, even sans video, how about the all-time dopest basketball song? No, not Aaron Carter's "How I Beat Shaq"*... Guru, will you do the honors?

*It turns out it was all a dream!

I'm walkin', yes indeed

2009-10-16T13:01:24Z

Once upon a time in the NBA, when two steps without a dribble was traveling, the refs didn't call it until three steps--possibly four or five in the paint if you were a superstar. The NBA swore it hadn't sent down some fan-friendly mandate; the refs just all decided independently to call the rule wrong.

Now, it's officially three steps before you travel. And Kobe will get seven steps, and LeBron will be allowed to ride a Segway with the ball in a wicker backet on the front.

lord I was born a ramblin man

2009-10-14T19:24:11Z

Do you remember Web 1.0 phenomenon Minipops? They were very small, pixel-art caricatures of celebrities, very charming, and (unfortunately) often brazenly copied in style or concept by others, without much credit given to the artist, Craig Robinson.

Ten years later, Craig has moved on to other kinds of web art (though he still does Minipops on occasion), and I've fallen in love with his sit all over again because of his amazing sports graphics. He's especially interested in Major League baseball--unusual for a Brit, but to our great benefit. If you're any kind of fan of baseball and/or design, check these out:

The cost if players literally stole bases.
How soon will the Yankees run out of unretired one- and two-digit numbers?
A Venn diagram etymology of team names.
The distance and routes travelled by a professional team in 1886, 1959, and today.

There's much, much more, but the best by far are a crucial reality check and a helpful how-to guide. Awesome.

you can collect your little petty cash advance

2009-10-12T13:55:22Z

Since the goverment's plate is so doggone full, I can only assume that bloggers receiving comps is the #1 threat facing America. This brings me to a crucial moment of ethical self-examination, namely: Where's mine?

Seriously, bloggers and web essayists have been getting free stuff, and so far I haven't gotten any of it. Not a dollar, not a buyback round at the bar, not even one of those sample detergent packets you used to get with your (Old Media) newspaper. And it's not for want of endorsing stuff. I've beat the drum for candidates, artists and musicians, computer hardware, pipe tobacco, destinations, and intoxicating liquors. That's all out-of-pocket and not deductible. Come on!

I'd like to make a personal plea to all the corporate and commercial interests out there. (So if you're a private citizen, feel free to sit this one out.)

Dear Promoter: I'm docmanhattan, and I want to endorse your product.

I'm young (30, but can play 25), eloquent (MFA in Writing), and completely without scruples. I will walk the stroll for anything that can legally be advertised, and even then, I'm flexible. Are you politically odious? Hey, free speech is what this country's all about! Do you use sweatshops? It's only because you care about handmade craftsmanship! Is your new prescription drug based on the research of Dr. Mengele? That's German engineering, my friend. You know the Germans make good stuff! I've watched enough Mad Men to know all you need is a good line and to keep a straight face.

I've even been thinking of clever web acronyms to meet the new legal constraints on endorsed products within the limited space of tweet or status update. Like... GORP, for "GOods Received for Plug," or CONDOR for "COmpensated enDORsement." Boom, you can have those two for free. That's just a taste.

I'm going to level with you here, corporate America: I worked in a public school. Seeing the good in the garbage turned out by the inept, the privileged, the pathological liars, the once-and-future criminals is old hat for me. Calling Marlboro Lights "America's Favorite Vegan Treat" would probably be a moral step up.

And if somebody has to get paid for this, it might as well be me.

Hopefully awaiting your cheques and parcels,
docmanhattan

I'm so willing to care for you

2009-10-11T23:02:00Z

After a long hiatus (explained below), the management are proud to present the triumphant return of...

Pussycat / What's New

FELINE
A few days before we intended to bring him for his shots, Smoke Monster went missing. Something awful might've happened, or he might've just wandered, as strays are wont to do. Possibly, he was someone else's cat and they corralled him, though if that's the case, it's pretty crummy of them not to call the local number we listed when we tagged him. In any case, I was pretty heartbroken.

A few weeks later, it became apparent that Smoke had left at least one thing behind: his DNA. A female stray we'd seen cavorting with him in our yard came by with an adorable litter of kittens, one of whom indubitably had Smoke Monster as its babydaddy. They were still nursing, so we kept our distance, of course.

Though there's still a pall on my outlook, there's always another kitty who needs a good home, and he arrived this week. As with Doctor Hamsteak, the new fellow is from a friend who can't keep him because of housemate allergies. His name is Willie; he's burnt orange, about one year old, and has only one eye. (Goonies reference FTW!) He caught a virulent infection soon after birth, and the eye had to be removed to prevent it from spreading. More recently, he was hit by a car, but you wouldn't know it but for a slight limp and a missing tooth. So he's had some bad luck, and hopefully we can help turn that about.

Willie likes to play-bite (this will stop being cute as he gets stronger) and he likes licking people's hands as a sign of affection. We're doing the recommended method of sequestering him in a room for a while... I hope he gets along with Pippy and Hamsteak. I really like the little guy.

HEADLINE
At least two other people have shared (and smacked down) this article from the Times, but it's still fucking outrageous. The thesis honestly seems to be, "People used to tolerate statutory rape to a greater degree, and therefore that somehow changes the fact the Roman Polanski drugged and raped a thirteen-year-old."

It's bad enough to turn on the TV and see assholes talking about how they "miss their America" (where you could own people)--now I have to read the Grey Lady giving a soapbox to people who miss their America (where you could rape people.)

At its most naïve, the article still makes the case that we should apply some sort of moral relativism, because "the people" (i.e. the Prosecution) demand more severe punishments today than they did in the 1970s. Um, didn't Roman Polanski flee precisely because he feared the severity of 1970s jurisprudence?

But hey, I'm all for perspective. Polanski fled to France and Poland in search of justice. In the interests of moral relativsm, let's give him whatever punishment would have fallen upon a Jewish child-rapist in, oh, say... Poland, circa 1977.

it's the fact of the matter

2009-10-09T19:29:35Z

A scientist who worked on projects at the CERN Large Hadron Collider was arrested on suspicion of ties to al-Qaeda. It seems (as is often the case) that the supect had little useful information and was rounded up when surveillance revealed he wasn't likely to lead to anything bigger.

Even so: the guy was a scientist working on classified antimatter experiments! Never mind that the few atoms of antimatter they generated couldn't do anything except annihilate a few atoms of matter--it's antimatter, son! That's some Legion of Doom shit right there... some Bond Villain flavor!

Five years ago, we'd be in front of the UN Security Council tomorrow, pointing at diagrams and syaing how Osama is trying the build the Genesis Device. (Or, al-Fatiha Device, as it is known in the Islamic world.) President Bush: "The inspectors have found nothing--proof positive that our enemies are in posession of large quanitites of antimatter. We must save the Childlike Empress from the Nothing, at all costs."

what's so funny ('bout peace, love, and understanding)?

2009-10-09T15:08:50Z

I agree with the many voices about the awarding of the Nobel Peace Prize to President Obama: very premature at best, unfortunately hopeful at worst.

Consider, though, the list of previous Laureates. Others have capably discussed the winners whose work against peace might disqualify them: Kissinger, de Klerk, etc. I'm much more interested with the majority of Laureates who are, historically, noble failures for their respective causes.

Again and again, you read the words of justification: work, trying, efforts. Frankly, the Prize has rarely been based on results, and if you tracked the long-term outcomes of the causes towards which the Laureates labored, you'd have a pretty low batting average. The few who did achieve something per se were either service organizations (e.g. the Red Cross or Friends Service Committee,) or people who founded groups that later did good works. The Middle East? Poverty and hunger? Women's Rights? Nuclear disarmament? How are those things working out for us now? This isn't to disparage their efforts, often at great personal sacrifice, but that's what they are: nice tries. If you want the Nobel Committee to be auditors rather than dreamers, then there's a good argument for never giving another Peace Prize.

No way should the President run out and cash that giant novelty check--at this point, his work for peace doesn't appear to reach even the level of Nice Try. (I would like him to wear the medallion at all times, to piss off the GOP and to bring some Adam Clayton Powell style back to Washington.) Given more than, say, nine months, he may indeed live up to the esteem of the award. But in any case, let's not delude ourselves that the Nobel Peace Prize has been anything but aspirational.

bust a cap

2009-10-07T13:29:50Z

or only the hardest-core of typography/design geeks, gently allow me to present: Daily Dropcap by Jessica Hische, whose eponymous purpose brings you one beautifully rendered drop cap each day. There's even the code for plug-and-play with one's blog, journal, or the like.

I can only hope that when the first round of twenty-six is finished, she starts right over. The sad world sore needs more illuminated typography.

balls to the wall

2009-10-05T18:27:37Z

I finally took the plunge and purchased my own bowling ball. I'm league bowling with the Pin Monkeys this season (captained by mountainsheep) and logged enough frames to figure a comfortable weight and type of ball for my technique. Here is what I learned shopping for bowling kit: no other sport has such bizarre dissonance between its equipment and the actual gameplay.

If you look at a bowling alley, you can quickly ascertain what it takes to be a pretty good bowler: comfortable equipment, consistent technique, and conservative strategy.

But if you ever look at a bowling catalogue, it's pretty mindblowing. It's as if they're equipping some Venture Bros-esque assassin's guild. The engineering is more sophisticated and the fitting more bespoke than most organ transplant surgeries. And the rhetoric and nomenclature would make a death-metal promoter blush. The copy in Homer's bowling catalogue ("Black, marbelized with a liquid center.... The Stealth Bowler." "The Hammer of Thor! It will send your pins to... Valhalla?") is spot-on.

There's no risk of me becoming a Serious Bowler, but just once I'd like to see the game through his eyes, the world wherein I become an epic hero for my ability to knock down wooden pins with some legendary sphere of resin.

if there is a hell, I'll see you there

2009-09-30T16:23:25Z

Happy International Blasphemy Day!

Blasphemy is simply to speak and act contrary to another person's religious/supernatural beliefs. That right to do the same for non-religious beliefs is protected and even celebrated in places that aspire to free speech--we call it "difference of opinion." Not so with blasphemy. In most of the world, including much of the US, there are times when the law will punish or restrict you based on sharing or acting upon your religious creeds. In honor of Blasphemy Day, don't take my word for it--find out for yourself.

So happy Blasphemy Day. Speak your mind, don't be cowed by the brutes who think they have the Only Answer, and if you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.

thank heaven

2009-09-29T18:42:09Z

Oh, France!

After more than a century of wrongfully imprisoning Jews to preserve your decadent, Gallic status quo, now you're totally into wrongfully freeing an imprisoned Jew to preserve your decadent, Gallic status quo.

Ça plus la change...

label me; I label you

2009-09-25T15:42:17Z

By some coincidence, I've been finding tape-label embossers everywhere. You know, those contraptions with characters on on a selector wheel, where letter-by-letter you punch text onto a piece of plastic and are left with a neat sticky label. Dymo makes the best-known one, and they may hold a patent of sorts on the technology.

The funny thing is, I keep running into ripoffs of the classic Dymo version. In my grandparents' house, I found an awesomely oversized label machine made by 3M (where my grandfather worked for a long while.) The tape had a weird width, probably peculiar to the 3M version, but there was enough tape in the kit to muck about for a good long while. Then at the local Goodwill, I found a very small Radio Shack model, this one much more clearly a knockoff of the Dymo standard. I picked it up for fifty cents, only to learn a spool of (not vintage) label tape costs four times as much. Still, it works pretty well.

There's no real thesis to this, other than tape labels make me happy, and I wish I saw more of them. They're useful and stylish. I guess I'm just impressed that at one point, they were a big enough deal that people actually tried to make competing imitations.

they've got me quite cross

2009-09-22T18:59:45Z

I have a lot of 90s wuss rock on my playlist, and heavy rotation goes to "Closing Time," by one-hit-wonders Semisonic. If you don't know the song (i.e. Mom & Dad, if you're reading--everyone else, stop lying), it's an extended metaphor about how life is like closing time at a bar, rife with clichés and terrible syntax to force rhymes. The worst, though, is the big, poignant line that the songwriter obviously thinks is super-deep, not only singing it at the end of a verse, but also repeating it in a sappy, song-ending rallentando. The offending line: Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. That's some bad verse, folks. Every time I hear it, I actually say, "Worst line ever."

There's a new contender for that title now. Not a new song, mind you, but one that I've largely given a pass based on its pedigree. Today, it came on in the car, and I realized that I'd mock this writing mercilessly were it being whinged by some emo band. Submitted for your disapproval:

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show

That's Bernie Taupin and Elton John, two remarkable talents. But that couplet from "Your Song" is just a crime. Let's take a minute to appreciate it fully. The singer is trying to explain why the only gift he's given his loved one is a song; it's a fair conceit, but you have to earn it. In the first quatrain, he explains he'd buy them a house if he could, which is sweet and pleasant. Then, this. It's like he realizes how stupid his excuse is, mid-line. "...I'd cast you in bronze"? "...I'd immortalize your profile"? "...I'd give you some lard wrapped in wool felt "? Either he realizes it's a dumb rhetorical tack, or he realizes he's never going to be a sculptor. Both are pretty depressing. So he just bails out and tries to cover for it, while still singing. It's so god damned lazy, like if Stevie Wonder recorded "I just called to say... wait, is this Karen?" Here's a hint, Bernie: if your present is a song, maybe avoid including any obvious songwriting mistakes in it. Write a second draft.

And definitely don't then go ahead and wish to be a man who makes patent medicine. Is your lover stricken with neuraesthenia, baldness, or impotence? Not like the potion is going to help--it'll likely just make them drunk and/or blind. You're not even wishing you were the salesman, someone gifted with a good line and charisma--you're in the back, churning out snake oil and Sham-Wows. I guess by comparison to patent nerve tonic, a song sounds like a pretty good present. Worst of all, he doesn't even complete the thought AGAIN. That's four whole bars without a complete sentiment. Clearly you know your thesis, gentlemen: the song is the gift. Making excuses at this point is already pretty lame, but two half-excuses does not a whole excuse make. Step up your game!